Lately, I have been focusing on unresolved relationships, or relationships with people in my life that I would like to improve. In the past, I avoided confrontation at all costs and was always the person that raised the white flag even before an actual confrontation began. I gave up. In my meditations and journey towards better Health and Nellness, I have been starting to notice that I indeed have issues with anger. Maybe I am just angry at myself. Why do I always make myself small while making others larger? Encourage all my friends and the people around me while discouraging myself? Like the quote, "Our Deepest fear..." by Marianne Williamson, we are all meant to shine in our own way and it does not serve me or others to downplay my importance in this world. As much as I dislike getting into confrontations with people, if I don't state my case, I feel worse because I suppressed my feelings, which leads to feelings of guilt, resentfulness, anger and impatience, which I project onto the world.
I am not saying that we should be angry and negative whenever possible but what I am saying is it is important to feel our feelings and acknowledge when they are there. I came to this conclusion this past month, when my husband and I were having an argument about something that I cannot even remember. I became so angry that my husband asked me if I was okay. I realized at that moment that there is so much anger inside of me I could barely even breath. I was fuming and it wasn't because of the petty argument we were having. It was an opportunity for me to let out some steam and boy did I jump on the opportunity. I felt horrible for becoming so angry, but at the same time I realized my part in allowing all this anger to build up inside of me until I literally could not take it any more.
So what is the solution? Honestly, I am not exactly sure. Yes, I do need to build my self esteem 'muscle' by doing things that make me feel good and it wouldn't hurt to allow myself to feel my feelings and not suppress them. But where is all this anger coming from and why am I so afraid to let people know what I really think and feel and basically who Nelly is? All I do know is that there is still a lot of work to be done an I plan on continuing meditation and self reflection until things do become clearer, a journey that I know will last my entire life. Blessings and peace be with you all.
I am not saying that we should be angry and negative whenever possible but what I am saying is it is important to feel our feelings and acknowledge when they are there. I came to this conclusion this past month, when my husband and I were having an argument about something that I cannot even remember. I became so angry that my husband asked me if I was okay. I realized at that moment that there is so much anger inside of me I could barely even breath. I was fuming and it wasn't because of the petty argument we were having. It was an opportunity for me to let out some steam and boy did I jump on the opportunity. I felt horrible for becoming so angry, but at the same time I realized my part in allowing all this anger to build up inside of me until I literally could not take it any more.
So what is the solution? Honestly, I am not exactly sure. Yes, I do need to build my self esteem 'muscle' by doing things that make me feel good and it wouldn't hurt to allow myself to feel my feelings and not suppress them. But where is all this anger coming from and why am I so afraid to let people know what I really think and feel and basically who Nelly is? All I do know is that there is still a lot of work to be done an I plan on continuing meditation and self reflection until things do become clearer, a journey that I know will last my entire life. Blessings and peace be with you all.
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