Taking The High Dive

Something hit me after my three mile run in West Long Branch, New Jersey this past fourth of July weekend. It was 95 degrees and the last time I remember sweating so much was when I lived in Israel, a dessert basically. When I got back from my run I jumped into my in laws pool with my clothes on when no one was looking. As the cool water washed over me I caught the diving board from the corner of my eye. Now, even though the diving board has always been there I hadn't dived since high school over ten years ago. I thought to myself why not? I took my first dive and plunged into the water head first, feeling like a bird finally released from my cage. After that first dive, I could not stop, I kept getting out of the water only to dive back in again and again and again. I must have dived 10 times in row.

Why was this feeling so amazing and why could I not stop? Suddenly it hit me! Here's a little story you might not have known about me. I started off high school not being able to swim. When everyone was diving I was in the shallow water walking back and forth. They called us, 'the shallow people.' I remember looking at my fellow classmates diving thinking that I could never do that. Le sigh. Fast forward to the beginning of my senior year and my gym teacher, Mrs Fleishman, finally felt like I was ready for the deep end. Towards the end of my senior year I worked up the courage to learn how to dive. I stayed after class, often times until 6 pm (class ended at 4:45) just practicing. I was the last one out of the pool every time. And then it happened, right before the end of my senior year, I achieved the impossible, I was diving like I never thought I could and I was addicted.

Diving at my in laws house brought me back to a time where I conquered my fear and persevered. When I did not let my negative self talk get in the way of achieving my goal. If I did it then, it is certainly within the realm of possibility that I can do it now and so can you.

Plunge into the wild unknown!

Rules Are There Are No Rules

Hey Folks. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. I dedicate this blog to Michael Angel, who as I already mentioned in previous posts, is one heck of a dad :).

We are on our way to Deal, New Jersey to spend the day at my in laws house. It's kind of hard to type and think in a moving car on this ridiculous tiny touch screen keyboard but here goes nothing...

A little insite into my night last night. It's 830 pm I am breast feeding, of course, and Bean is tired  and I am thinking, "yes! He is going to fall asleep early and I am going to have the whole rest of the night to myself!"

It's 9:05 and I gently place him in the crib and runaway only to hear 5 seconds later that he is screaming. I pick him up and breast feed him again.

It's 9:30 and I try putting him down again and this time he immediately cries. I pick him up and try putting him back on the boob. As soon as I do that I feel his whole stomach growling making weird noises. I sit him up and he throws up everything he ate all over me my clothes, himself and the sheets. As I am sitting on the bed covered in warm sour milk I scream out to Michael, who by the way was in the other room watching the Simpsons, to come help.

At this point, I basically have to start the whole process all over again and I am tired! He finally falls asleep at 10:30 and I am literally drained! Mike is snoring to the left of me and I fall asleep on top of puke soaked bed sheets.

At 2:30 in the morning, I wake up mid dream to my sons gentle cries and figure he is probably still hungry. While breast feeding I jotted down notes on the dream I was having right before Bean woke up. Basically I was in a classroom in which the subject of the class was 'Rules are there are no rules.' The teacher continued to demonstrate his point by asking a classmate if she think she can fly. To which she responded, "no absolutely not!" And all of the sudden the teacher raised his hand ceremoniously and the girl was levitating in the air. Everyone including myself was amazed. He then asked another older women if she thought he can cure her authritic knees. Of course she responds, "no way!" He demands that she lift her legs onto a chair. He jumps onto her knees and is basically standing on them doing this weird massage with his feet and Lo and behold she is cured. He shouts loudly, "RULES ARE THERE ARE NO RULES."

As I lie on my puke soaked sheets reeking of sour milk while breasting my son I can't help but laugh to myself, rules are there are no rules.

MOMumental Changes

Hey Folks its been a while but I am back to share my thoughts with the world. I am a MOM now and my whole world has shifted 180 degrees. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Benjamin David Angel aka Bean, 7lbs 11oz 19", on December 7, 2012.

There have been so many moments of pure joy, when I look into my son's eyes and feel so blessed to have brought such a special soul into the world. Along with the joy there have also been some struggles. As any mom knows learning how to get a lot done in short time spurts is essential. It has been especially hard for me to learn since I am the queen of procrastination and on top of that kind of a slob, I will admit it. Sometimes when I have free time all I want to do is veg out and watch TV but I am learning that my spare moments are precious and I try not to waste them.

I find myself thinking a lot about the past and the future. What I could/should have done and what I will do when I have more time. Which makes it kind of hard for me to enjoy the time that I have with my son right now. I know that just because I am a mom does not mean that I will not get to achieve all my personal goals. But sometimes it hard to even think about my dreams when I am changing 20 diapers a day, breastfeeding on demand all while cleaning the house, doing the laundry, food shopping and cooking ect..

All in all I am so thankful for my fearless warrior of a husband who is willing to do whatever it takes to support us so that I could be home with our child; that I have a safe and warm apartment to call home; a family that lives close by and that loves and supports me unconditionally and amazing friends that inspire me everyday. We all have good days and bad days and what helps me, especially when I am having a bad day, is being consciously aware of all the good things.

LOVE TO ALL